Chia2x

Back to You (by Bobby Caldwell)

I was a fool to be

Thinking just of me

And I thought my self we’re better off this way

And I thought that leaving you

Was the thing to do

And I’ve regretted each and every single day

Chorus1:

Darlin’ we had a lot to learn

But our heart’s returned

And nothing’s in our way

Back to you

Chorus2:

I’m goin’ back to you

No I didn’t know what love was

But darlin’ now I do

And I know it might sound crazy

But I’ve changed my point of view

Guess I always knew I’d find my way

Back to you

I put our love behind

Cause I made up my mind

That I’d find a way to spend those lonely nights

And I thought our love was gone

But you proved me wrong, baby

From the moment you came back into my life

Back to Chorus1

I’m goin’ back to you

No I didn’t know what love was

But darlin’ now I do

And my life has been so crazy

Just because of missing you

Living alone was hard to do

Now that I’m in your arms again

Make it forever more

Back to you

Back to Chorus2

I was driving my car last night and listening to the radio when this song was played. I can’t help myself thinking whether this song will be a reality between me and him. To be back together again….

I’ve read this phrase somewhere but I forgot where I read it. Anyway it said that finding a soul mate is like walking through a garden with flowers at your side left and right. You may only walk out from the garden with one flower and you may only do one picking. So after you pick a flower and you find a prettier flower, you may not change the flower that you pick. It’s better to really make sure that the flower that you pick is the best one and you did not regret it. Therefore there is a risk in your every decision. I do believe in that phrase. But I more believe that the path is not straight through the garden but it is winding with loops, so it is possible that you encounter the same flower again and again. Therefore you may pass the flower and hope to find it again, but the possibility that you may not walk through the same path will always be there or it is also possible that the flower already picked by somebody else. And no matter what you do you can’t snatch it away.

I believe that life and relationship is all about choices. God may have plan and cross your path and him, but it was your decision whether you want to go through it, or you want to look for someone else. A better one.

I believe loving someone is about taking risk. You may not know everything you have to know about the person you love, not even after years of marriage. But if you are scared and you did not take the risk, at the end you will loss the chance of being love and finding your true love.

A friend of mine once told me that if you love someone just let him go. If letting him go, means giving him happiness. If he comes back to you, then you know that he belongs to you. I never thought that one day I will say the same words to someone that if he truly loves me just let me go. Because I know I deserve to be happy and being beside him will not make me happy. The time is not right or perhaps we are not meant to be together. Will the road that we walk through will be crossed again and someday we will meet again? I don’t know. I truly don’t know. Only God can answer that.

When I heard this song, a lot was going through my mind. How many chances does a person deserve? For me, I only give two chances. If he didn’t use it wisely then enough is enough. Someone has asked me if it is possible for him to have a third chance. I said no. There is no such thing as third chance. Isn’t it all that we hear in the song or in a phrase always about second chance, giving second chance, deserve second chance, etc. But never about giving a third chance. The same person said to me that if Alladdin has three wishes, not only two. Perhaps it is true. But I’m not a genie in a bottle that can grant someone wishes. I’m only a woman with hope to find a true love, a soul mate.

I believe that God has plan, a big plan for us. Like a building blue print. However how the building will be reconstructed, it is up to us. The building might be made of concrete, brick, or metal, it is our choice. But the shape of the building is the same with the blue print. God may cross our path together, but it is up to us whether we want to take the chance or not. Whether we want to take the risk or not. I know this couple that was once met when they were still young and decided to pass the chance because the time is not right or perhaps they hoped to find a better one. Years after years and they didn’t realize that twenty years already passed. One day they met again, coincidence at a mall. Funny isn’t it, after twenty years they are both still single and decided not to pass the chance to be together anymore. That is their second chance. And up to now they live happily and hopefully ever after. I ask my mom at that time, why they didn’t decide to be together at the first time, isn’t it a waste time, twenty years, it is a long time rite? And I never forget that my mom told me that the time is not right. Perhaps if they are together at the first time, they didn’t appreciate their love like now and they can’t accept the others weaknesses. Because deep in their mind, they still think they are better and therefore deserve someone better. God make everything wonderful at His time.

Well… it’s only a thought. A simple thought of what I believe.

Rusmi, Feb 3, 2007, lg banjir nich di rmh.

Akhirnya ku menemukanmu
saat hati ini mulai merapuh
Akhirnya ku menemukanmu
saat raga ini ingin berlabuh

Ku berharap engkau lah
jawaban sgala risau hatiku
Dan biarkan diriku
mencintaimu hingga ujung usiaku

Jika nanti ku sanding dirimu
miliki aku dengan segala kelemahanku
Dan bila nanti engkau di sampingku
jangan pernah letih tuk mencintaiku

Akhirnya ku menemukanmu
saat hati ini mulai merapuh
Akhirnya ku menemukanmu
saat raga ini ingin berlabuh

Rusmi, Dec 28, 2006, thinking of u…

Male:

He ya?
Do you remember
How we made it through the rain
Said together we remain
You and me
In love forever
Never imagine
We would go a separate way
But my life would be amaze
Hoping I find
You at the end

Chorus:
Tell me just love again kiss again
I just wanna be us again
There?s no reason to pretend
It?s never there
That I lost without your love
And if we just hold each other close again
Make it through the very end
Baby I believe you never
I just wanna spend forever with you

Female:

You?
How can I forget
Just when your game I knew for sure
When my heart was being for
How could I
Take you for granted
Now that you gone
Every day is so unclear
I think I running out of tears
How can I
Get back the life with you and me

Chorus:
If we give up our night
Then let the feeling in our heart take over
Maybe they will see
How this love should be
Before my heart
Falls apart for you

Chorus: X2

Epilog:

I remember one day a man asked a woman whether
she wants to spend the rest of her life with him
And the woman said that she wasn’t sure that she is ready for such a commitment. She wanted to be free, to be able to pursue her dream…

Years have gone by…

The woman realized at the present that all she wants is to be forever with him
But when she turns, the seat is empty.. The man has gone….
And all that she can do is wishing if she can just turn back the time…..
Regret always comes last…

Rusmi, 20 Sep 2006, on the way to work listening to Guy Sebastian

Kutuliskan kesedihan   



Semua tak bisa kau ungkapkan



Dan kita kan bicara dengan hatiku




 

Buang semua puisi



Antara kita berdua



Kau bunuh dia sesuatu



Yang kusebut itu cinta




Reff:
Yakinkan aku Tuhan



Dia bukan milikku



Biarkan waktu waktu



Hapus aku




Sadarkan aku Tuhan
Dia bukan milikku



Biarkan waktu waktu



Hapus aku

The hardest thing I've ever done is keep believing



There's someone in this crazy world for me



The way that people come and go through temporary lives



My chance could come and I might never know







I used to say "No promises, let's keep it simple"



But freedom only helps you say goodbye



It took a while for me to learn that nothing comes for free



The price I paid is high enough for me







*  I know I need to be in love



   I know I've wasted too much time



   I know I ask perfection of a quite imperfect world



   And fool enough to think that's what I'll find







+  So here I am with pockets full of good intentions



   But none of them will comfort me tonight



   I'm wide awake at 4 a.m. without a friend in sight



   I'm hanging on a hope but I'm all right

A man was walking down the street with his pregnant wife.



They are laughing and held hands. In his arm, he also carried 
a big shopping bag with baby stores name in front




I saw them and I stopped. Tears ran down my cheek and my heart 


feels like stab my a edged knife. Memory flash back uncontrollable




He is so happy now.
Oh why......


The world is so unfair. How come a person with unfaithful past


can be happy. And I’m here alone. Still searching for my own happiness.



Is it wrong for me to feel unjust? Is it wrong for me to seek for

fairness? A man that hurt me so much 4 years ago is walking down the 

street with the woman that he cheated me with. 

What should I do? Pray for his happiness and hope that it will 

last ever after? I’m not a God and I’m not a saint. I’m not an angel.
And perhaps I never will be. Forgiveness. An easy word to say but
a damn hard thing to do. 
I thought I have done a remarkable thing though. 

I thought I have forgiven him. But yesterday I realized it
was only a disguise. It’s still an open wound and perhaps
it will always be till I found my own happiness.


Rusmi, August 7, 2006

Love… what do we know about love.

Love needs two people to work it out,

To adjust to one another…

To give tolerance…

For a man to love a woman…

Is to accept each other weaknesses…

Not to see her weakness as a flaw

But to love her and give direction when she lost hers

To be there when she needs

To held her hands and let her know that you’ll be there

To carry her when she fell

To accept each other strength…

Not to see her strength as a threat

But let her free as a bird

To achieve what she wants

To love is not to change your love ones…

To love is to accept her for who she really is..

But in the name of love… people can also change willingly

To love is to just loving…

Caring..

Understanding…

There is no reason why we love someone…

Love is not a trade..

Love is not meeting a standard criteria…

Love is simple… the unity of two souls …

If you love someone for a reason then it’s not love…

Loving someone is not because you afraid of being alone

Not because of loneliness

Or because you afraid can’t get a better one….

But because you finally have found your better half….

And it makes you feel complete…

Rusmi, Dec 26, 2004

This song is one of my favourite one. When I’m down, all I have to do is I sing this and it becomes a strength for me. It is true, The only thing that is true and will always remain is God. Other’s love can fade, heaven and earth can disappear, but His love for me will always stay the same.

GOD will make a way

Where there seems to be no way

HE works in ways we cannot see

HE will make a way for me

HE will be my guide

Hold me closely to His side

With love and strength for each new day

HE will make a way

HE  will make a way

By a roadway in the wilderness

HE’ll lead me

And rivers in the desert will I see

Heaven and earth will fade

But HIS love will still remain

HE will do something new today.

Mereka yang tidak menyukainya menyebutnya tanggung jawab,

Mereka yang bermain dengannya, menyebutnya sebuah permainan,

Mereka yang tidak memilikinya, menyebutnya sebuah impian,

Mereka yang mencintai, menyebutnya takdir.

Kadang Tuhan yang mengetahui yang terbaik, akan memberi kesusahan untuk menguji kita.

Kadang

Ia

pun melukai hati, supaya hikmat-Nya bisa tertanam dalam.

Jika kita kehilangan cinta, maka pasti ada alasan di baliknya. Alasan yang kadang sulit untuk dimengerti, namun kita tetap harus percaya bahwa ketika Ia mengambil sesuatu, Ia telah siap memberi yang lebih baik.

Mengapa menunggu?

Karena walaupun kita ingin mengambil keputusan, kita tidak ingin tergesa-gesa.

Karena walaupun kita ingin cepat-cepat, kita tidak ingin sembrono.

Karena walaupun kita ingin segera menemukan orang yang kita cintai, kita tidak ingin kehilangan jati diri kita dalam proses pencarian itu.

Jika ingin berlari, belajarlah berjalan duhulu,

Jika ingin berenang, belajarlah mengapung dahulu,

Jika ingin dicintai, belajarlah mencintai dahulu.

Pada akhirnya, lebih baik menunggu orang yang kita inginkan, ketimbang memilih apa yang ada.

Tetap lebih baik menunggu orang yang kita cintai,  ketimbang memuaskan diri dengan apa yang ada.

Tetap lebih baik menunggu orang yang tepat, Karena hidup ini terlampau singkat untuk dilewatkan bersama pilihan yang salah, karena menunggu mempunyai tujuan yang mulia dan misterius.

Perlu kau ketahui bahwa

Bunga tidak mekar dalam waktu semalam,

Kota Roma tidak dibangun dalam sehari,

Kehidupan dirajut dalam rahim selama sembilan bulan,

Cinta yang agung terus bertumbuh selama kehidupan.

Kebanyakan hal yang indah dalam hidup memerlukan waktu yang lama, Dan penantian kita tidaklah sia-sia.

Walaupun menunggu membutuhkan banyak hal - iman, keberanian, dan pengharapan

- penantian menjanjikan satu hal yang tidak dapat seorangpun bayangkan.

Pada akhirnya. Tuhan dalam segala hikmat-Nya, meminta kita menunggu, karena alasan yang penting.

Karena Dia mau kita lebih menghargai apa yang kita miliki pada saat kita mendapatkannya.

“Walaupun di suatu saat, kamu merasa diri kamu tidak berharga, tetapi bagi orang yg sayang ama kamu dan bagi Tuhan, kamu tetap berharga di mata mereka. Dan jika bagi org tersebut kamu tidak berharga maka org tersebut tidak sayang padamu dan kamu lebih baik mencari org lain yang menyayangi kamu karena dia akan menghargai kamu”
I was once given this beautiful phrase by a dear friend of mine. I was down at that time and I need all support I can get from my friends. I feel unworthy and so helpless.

When we are feeling sad and cannot keep our head straight, we tend to blame things on someone else or on God. We try to figure things and try to look for an answer. We keep thinking what I did that was so wrong that God punished me so hard. I remember a story told by one of the preacher in my church. He told us that we tend to be unsatisfied if the things that we worked on so hard, at the end was going wrong, unfinished or the final touch is by someone else.

If we do the comparison, it’s probably the same with a failed relationship. We worked so hard to make it go smooth and at the end it was ended. By someone else or by a misunderstanding or by lost of chemistry or the situation itself just not right. A lot can go wrong.

I used to think that God is unfair to me. Why there have to be a beginning when at the end there will be a goodbye. Doesn’t God already know what will be happening before it’s finally happened? If He already knows, why He gives his child such sorrow. Why He didn’t alter my faith and make it go a different way.

Well, when the last one happened, it finally stroked me. That is how God shows me how much he loves me. He gives me chances to choose what I want. And when I chose the wrong way, He gave an obstacle for me so I can turn my head around. And afterwards, He will give me another chance, a better one. He didn’t abandon me. When I need Him, He will only be a prayer far. He’s not autocratic. He give me chances to feel my own decision, whether it is happy or sad. He loves me so much that He just can’t let me going down with the choices that I made. In His eyes I am worthy enough for Him to sacrifice Himself at the cross.

And from the bottom of my heart, all I can say is… Thank You for Your Love God. You are my savior.

“Don’t cry coz it’s ended. Smile coz it’s happened. Because that means God still love u”