Chia2x

I feel the sand beneath my feet

Warm and soft

I feel the ocean touch my feet

Cold and refreshing…

With the wave that breaks at the edge of the coast

I see the sky…

It’s blue with the hottest ray shines upon me..

I finally here…

At Jimbaran beach…

Like we used to dream and plan…

To be here someday..

Holding hands and watch the sunset in front of us…

Together…

At Jimbaran beach…

Can you see me now honey…

From there above…

I’m here now..

Alone…

Without you by my side…

God has taken you so fast from me…

Like lightning stroke in the middle of afternoon

I have lost you…

How I missed that smile…

Which fade away with your suffering pain..

I saw the sky..

The orange colour with magenta blend to one…

The sunset finally comes…

I look at my surrounding

People are chattering…

Taking picture…

Cheering at the sunset

Admiring how beautiful the sunset

In my eyes…

I feel the wonderful of the world magic…

But in my heart..

The magic has gone….

Without you by my side…

Everything means nothing….

Rusmi at Jimbaran Beach, Mar 27, 2005

My Lord,

Last night when I laid on my bed

I remembered the joy and laughter

The memories we shared together

Last night when I closed my eyes

I remembered his smile and the way he looked at me

Last night when I tried to sleep

All I can remember is how it is felt to be in his arm

Now it’s only memory..

My Lord,

If love can hurt this much,

Why You create love

If love can only bring sorrow,

Why You did not make it stop

My Lord,

I felt tears falling from my eyes

When tears already run dry,

Will love still be there?

When time goes by,

Will the hurt still the same?

Can time heal what already broken…

It’s been a month since the last time we met…

It’s been a month since we are apart..

But the pain is still the same

The pain did not go away

I still love you much

Not lesser than what it used to be

Can you feel it honey?

I try to cover it up in front of my friends

Pull a disguise over my face…

Telling them that everything is fine

That I already get over you…

Putting up a smile on my face

I just don’t want them to be worried anymore

It’s enough of my problems to give them headache

I try to track down what you’ve been up to

I try to find out who you’re seeing now

What you are doing on weekend Saturday and Sunday and even every week day

And it’s frightening me what I’ve become

A stalker that to obsess with you

I don’t want to be like that

I don’t want to bother you with my sentimental emails and poems

I want to be a new me…

Someone that is so over you…

Someone that thinks you are so yesterday

But God… why I can’t be that person

Why You have given me him and pull it back again

I used to thank You for the greatest gift You have already given me… him

I prayed for us everyday.. that we can be together all the time..

Why You didn’t listen to my pray God?

Why?

Why You give me so much love but no one to receive?

Will I be the same person when I was before him?

My soul was once died but he resurrected me…

Now… my soul died again…

Who can resurrect me now… and give it an immortality…

Rusmi, Jan 26, 2005

Lying on my bed

I am thinking of you

Looking through the window

I saw the moon is shining

Round and yet shyly give its shine upon me

It’s ironic isn’t it

The same moon is shining upon you too

I feel so close to you

Yet so far away

My heart feels so far away from you

Like there’s a wall between us now

And it’s true isn’t it

A silent wall has grow between us

Taller and taller

It’s ironic isn’t it

Two people that was once so close

Has drifted apart

By time

And by miles

Looking at the moon

I remember the memories we shared

The times we spent

The laughter and the joy

The way you look at me once

Cannot be described with words

And the way I look at you once

Full of unspeakable love

It’s not the first sight that makes me love you

It’s not the pretty face or a full wallet

It’s not your shining car or the way you move

It’s the way our heart connected

In a sense that no word is needed to share our thoughts

I love you for who you are

And yet I lost you for who you are

The freedom lover

The commitment fearful

Coz I know you so damn well

I shielded myself

To avoid getting hurt more

To avoid a further broken heart

I have to say goodbye to you

And yet I can’t..

Not yet..

Not now..

Someday I hope..

That’s my wish…

With the moon as my witness..

Rusmi in bed, March 16, 2005

When I need a shoulder to cry on…

You lend me your shoulder…

When I need someone to talk to…

You were there to listen…

When I need someone to hang out with

You picked me up and we went clubbing together…

When I can’t sleep at night

You call and accompany me..

When I want to learn how to trust again

You were there to teach me…

When I worked till night

You remind me for dinner….

When I went out with my friend till night

You ask me to call you when I got home..

When I became a spoil brat

You were there to pamper me..

When I went the worst time of my life..

You were there besides me..

Thank you

There’s no word that can describe my gratefulness to you..

To someone that I missed so much..

Kupandang langit..

Biru warnanya..

Laksana kristal cerah kebiru-biruan…

Kupandang lautan…

Ombak bergulung, menghempas ke pantai

Membentuk batas yang tak bertepi..

Kupandang sekitarku…

Orang berlalu lalang sambil bercanda dan bermain di pantai

Kulihat pasangan-pasangan berpelukan

Berlalu di hadapanku..

Kuresapi kesendirianku…

Kurasa sepi di hati

Menatap nanar pada senja yang mulai tiba…

Matahari terbenam di pantai Kuta

Bulat dan kuning

Memberikan suasana temaram di langit….

Kulihat siluet-siluet gelap saling berfoto

Mengagumi keindahan senja…

Tapi yang kurasa

Hanya sepi dan galau di hati…

Merindumu…

Kutunggu kabar darimu..

Tapi kau hanya diam membisu…

Tak ada kabar..

Tak ada pesan..

Tidakkah kau merinduku juga…

Ataukah kau tak mengingatku…

Sedang apakah dirimu?

Bersama hati yang lain?

Mataku menatap senja yang indah

Namun dalam hatiku hanya terlihat langit yang kelabu

Sekelabu hatiku..

Karena kutahu…

Aku telah kehilanganmu..

Telah kehilangan perhatianmu

Telah kehilangan rasa sayangmu..

Selamanya…

I missed you so much

Nevertheless when the sky turned grey…

I know I already lost you forever…

Rusmi at Kuta Beach, Mar 15, 2005